Monday, October 02, 2006

What's in a name?


It is striking to me how many of our government institutions are adopting names contrary to their functions. It all started back in 1959 when President Truman renamed the newly reorganized War Department the "Department of Defense."


Since that day, the U.S. has fought only offensive hegemonic war.

After September 11th, President Bush combined various organizations into a new "Department of Homeland Security."

The Hurricane Katrina debacle exposed that as a misnomer.

Which brings us to last week, when a prominent member of the House Caucus on Missing and Exploited Children was accused of missing, and then exploiting children. He may be a pedophile, and possibly guilty of sexual harassment, but Rep. Foley is merely carrying on a rich tradition of contrarian behavior in this country.

You may call him a pedophile, but because he is merely continuing a long and vaunted tradition in this country, I call him a Patriot.

Friday, September 22, 2006

Losing Their Marbles



Diebold electronic voting machine: ~$3,000.00/ea



Gambian oil drum with metal tube and marble ballots: ~$20.00


What's the difference? Both are touch activated, both procduce tangible voting records, and both experience occasional hardware issues. The only difference I can see? Ours has a full color screen, theirs is only available in baby blue.

Read about the new Gambian voting machine here.

The Smelly Kid in Class

Hugo Chavez was criticized by Democratic leaders yesterday after calling President Bush "The Devil".
"He's our president, so only we get to call him names," Said Nancy Pelosi (D-California).
"It's like the smelly kid in class," Elaborated Charles Rangel (D-New York), "It's ok if we give him swirlies, wedgies, and call him names, but he's our bitch, so stay away."
It is unknown if any offers have been made to trade the President to Mr. Chavez for a pack of Cigarettes.

View the real story at cnn.com

Tuesday, September 19, 2006

UFO Delays Atlantis Landing

Don't you dare accuse the press of sensationalizing this story. Apparently the Space shuttle Atlantis has had its landing rescheduled after a mysterious object was seen floating out of its cargo bay. Scientists aren't sure if the object is something important or vital to the shuttle making a safe reentry. In a totally unrelated development, Canadian mission specialist Steve MacLean has not been seen or heard from since this story broke early Tuesday.

Monday, September 18, 2006

3 Ways to Incur the Wrath of Islam

#1) Calling Mohammed "evil and inhuman"

First Prize here goes to none other than the Pope. You know, your Holiness, maybe if you are trying to build bridges with the Muslims of the world, it is a bad idea to quote a rival and contemporary of Mohammed.
If you want to Piss off Muslims everywhere, let's dispairage their prophet. When did that become ok? When was the last time a high profile Muslim figure publicly dissed Saint Paul? It's the same damn thing.
The pope was trying to make a point about the futility of religious war. The exact quote is as follows:


"Show me just what Muhammad brought that was new, and there you will find things only evil and inhuman, such as his command to spread by the sword the faith he preached."
Now if I were a Muslim, I would be pissed that the Pope should choose to quote this, rather than one of his papal predecessors.
Yes, the followers of Mohammed did slaughter, pillage and burn in their zeal to spread the teachings of their prophet. Yes Mohammed did advocate spreading his teachings by the sword if they could not be taught peacefully, but do you remember a little series of incidents called the Crusades? In this, Catholics are just as guilty as Islamic Jihadis. Perhaps it was a tad indelicate for His Holiness to attack Islam given his own church's history of conversion through spilled blood.

#2) Depicting the Prophet as a cartoon

The Muslim Faith expressly prohibits the depiction of the Prophet or Allah in any form. We all know many Muslims are very sensitive about their religion. Any perceived insults against their faith are met with a great deal of hostility. Whether this is because of insecurity or some sense of victimization, I don't know.
I do think it bad taste to disparage a religion on the whole. I would ask if it is better to show the founder of the religion in caricature form, or a racist archetype of "an Arab" to put one's point across?

#3) Waging hegemonic war in Iraq

Invading a sovereign power in the Middle East leads to resentment. Who knew? Toppling a secular state like Iraq was less of a slap in the face to Islam than, say, bombing Mecca to dust. Still, it was certainly offensive to a great many Muslim clerics who were quick to question our purpose there, and condemn Bush for invading a country we had no business in... Or were those our own citizens?
At any rate, Muslims, specifically Arab Muslims, were not happy with our invasion. Many radical clerics took this opportunity to inflame tensions across the Muslim world and incite violence in Iraq. The American war in Iraq is still a major sore spot in our relations with Muslim nations.

Friday, September 15, 2006

Explosion in the Library


Looks like something interesting is going on in the Salt Lake City Library... Reports are coming in from the SLPD there was some kind of explosion inside the building earlier today. Police have cordoned off the area around the library. My guess: Some dumbass tried putting Mentos in Diet Coke, but forgot to unscrew the cap on the bottle.

Wednesday, September 13, 2006

Make Love, Not War



In a modern-day take on the classic Greek play Lysistrata, a strange movement has emerged among the wives and girlfriends of Collumbian gang members, according to the BBC. As in the classic greek comedy the Collumbian women are hoping to end gang violence by witholding sex. On a more personal side note, this is also apparently an effective technique in getting one's husband to stop constantly playing video games...

Tuesday, September 12, 2006

Apple Madness


Looks like Steve Jobs is at it again. The histrionic Apple icon just unveiled this season's new line of iPods and video technologies in a performance that would make Liberace seem understated. Of course, such a display is nothing new for the charismatic founder. Neither were the enhancements to the new iPod line.

So far we have a nano model with better battery life, and a nice fancy aluminum case, a shuffle model that is small enough to lose between the polyester weave in your pocket, and an iPod video now at a price point to be reasonably competitive.

Oh and there is now the ability to download Disney movies. Woo hoo!

Steve Irwin Revenge

This according to the BBC:

Dead stingrays with their tails cut off have been found in Australia, sparking
concern that fans of naturalist Steve Irwin may be avenging his death... 10
stingrays have been found mutilated on Queensland beaches. Government officials
said they were investigating the deaths and there could be prosecutions.

Their Icon the nature conservationist would have been proud. Just think of how many of Australia's ecological problems would have been solved if Irwin had been killed by a bullfrog or a bunny rabbit.